12 weeks

A quick post on the 12 week mark, which was Tuesday. For each of my three kids, the day of the 12 week mark has been emotional because it marks the time that maternity leave would be over if I were a full-time working mom. It's the day that I am fully aware of how grateful I am to be in the position to stay home with our kids. I am grateful for a husband who wants the same things for our kids that I want, and that we've found a way to make it work. For each of the three, I just soaked them up on that day of turning 12 weeks old, knowing that I just didn't have it in me to leave them for a full-time job. The feelings, emotions and opinions I have go so much deeper than what I have time to express at the moment. But, for both Barron and me to have the chance to grow up with a SAHM, and for me to be able to in turn do the same- it's such a gift. To the kids, and to me. This has been on my mind so much this week, and yesterday, I had another moment of knowing that being here with them is important in the small ways more than the big ways. Davis got off the bus yesterday with tears brimming in his eyes. He waited until the bus pulled away to actually start crying, and held my hand the whole way up the street, rather than running ahead as he usually does. He was upset over something minor in the scheme of things, but important in his world. He has been exposed to the world of pokemon cards and trading at school. He's managed to collect a few cards from people who have just given one to him and so, he had planned that that day he was going to make his first trade. Well, two kids forgot their cards and the one other kid didn't want to trade for his one card. Anyways, I'm sure it's an incident he will not remember by the end of the weekend, but as I hugged him and let him cry, then talked to him about what happened.... I wondered, who would be there with him if I were not? Who would get to have the hugs and snuggles from Jack? And coo and talk with Emmy all day? I can't even bear the thought to think that would ever have been anyone other than me.